Sue Scheff: Parenting Tips

Sue Scheff – Founder of Parents’ Universal Resource Experts
Offers 10 Parenting Tips

http://www.helpyourteens.com/
http://www.witsendbook.com/
http://www.suescheff.com/


1. Communication: Keeping the lines of communication of your child should be a priority with all parents. It is important to let your kids know you are always there for them no matter what the subject is. If there is a subject you are not comfortable with, please be sure your child has someone they can open up to. I believe that when kids keep things bottled up, it can be when negative behaviors can start to grow.

2. Knowing your Children’s Friends: This is critical, in my opinion. Who are your kids hanging out with? Doing their homework with? If they are spending a lot of time at a friends house, go out of your way to call the parent introduce yourself. Especially if they are spending the night at a friends house, it important to take time to call the parents or meet them. This can give you a feeling of security knowing where your child is and who they are with.


3. Know your Child’s Teachers – Keep track of their attendance at school: Take time to meet each teacher and be sure they have your contact information and you have theirs if there are any concerns regarding your child. In the same respect, take time to meet your child’s Guidance Counselor.

4. Keep your Child Involved: Whether it is sports, music, drama, dance, and school clubs such as chess, government, school newspaper or different committees such as prom, dances and other school activities. Keeping your child busy can keep them out of trouble. If you can find your child’s passion – whether it is football, soccer, gymnastics, dance, music – that can help keep them focused and hopefully keep them on track in school.


5. Learn about Internet Social Networking: In today’s Cyber generation this has to be a priority. Parents need to help educate their kids on Cyber Safety – think before they post, help them to understand what they put up today, may haunt them tomorrow. Don’t get involved with strangers and especially don’t talk about sex with strangers. Avoid meeting in person the people you meet online without you being there. On the same note – cell phone and texting – don’t allow your child to freely give out their cell numbers and never post them online. Parents should consider ReputationDefender/MyChild www.reputationdefender.com/mychild to further help protect their children online.

6. Encourage your teen to get a job or volunteer: In today’s generation I think we need to instill responsibility and accountability. This can start early by encouraging your teen to either get a job or volunteer, especially during the summer. Again, it is about keeping them busy, however at the same time teaching them responsibility. I always tell parents to try to encourage their teens to get jobs at Summer Camps, Nursing Homes or places where they are giving to others. It can truly build self esteem to help others.


7. Make Time for your Child: This sounds very simple and almost obvious, but with today’s busy schedule of usually both parents working full time or single parent households, it is important to put time aside weekly (if not daily at dinner) for one on one time or family time. Today life is all about electronics (cell phones, Ipods, Blackberry’s, computers, etc) that the personal touch of actually being together has diminished.

8. When Safety trumps privacy: If you suspect your teen is using drugs, or other suspicious behaviors (lying, defiance, disrespectful, etc) it is time to start asking questions – and even “snooping” – I know there are two sides to this coin, and that is why I specifically mentioned “if you suspect” things are not right – in these cases – safety for your child takes precedence over invading their privacy. Remember – we are the parent and we are accountable and responsible for our child.


9. Are you considering outside treatment for your child? Residential Therapy is a huge step, and not a step that is taken lightly. Do your homework! When your child’s behavior escalates to a level of belligerence, defiance, substance abuse or God forbid gang relations – it may be time to seek outside help. Don’t be ashamed of this – put your child’s future first and take steps to get the help he/she needs – immediately, but take your time to find the right placement. Read Wit’s End! http://www.witsendbook.com/ for more information.

10. Be a parent FIRST: There are parents that want to be their child’s friend and that is great – but remember you are a parent first. Set boundaries – believe it not kids want limits (and most importantly – need them). Never threaten consequences you don’t plan on following through with.

Sue Scheff - Wit's End!

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Are you struggling with your teen or pre-teen? Do you feel you are losing control of your teenager? You are not alone - read "Wit's End!" From the same publisher that brought you Chicken Soup for the Soul book series, they now introduce "Wit's End" with the same hope and inspiration.

Sue Scheff (P.U.R.E.) Parents that are at their WIT'S END!

Are you at your Wit's End?!

Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Dropouts Start Early

By Connect with Kids

“Time is of the essence for children that are falling behind, because every day they fall behind, their peers are moving ahead and so it’s like chasing a moving target.”

– Jill Isbell Rhodes of Reading Recovery, Long Beach Unified School District

Before this school year ends, 1 million kids will have dropped out of high school. Conventional wisdom has it that dropping out is an angry and impulsive decision for many kids. But a new study suggests that there is a way to predict who will drop out -- just visit your local kindergarten.

Last year, 7-year-old Derrick was beginning to hate books.

“When he did read, he’d get frustrated and he didn’t want to read,” says Derrick’s mother.

How did he feel?

“Sad,” says Derrick.

Even at this early age, it is a race against time.

“Time is of the essence for children that are falling behind, because every day they fall behind, their peers are moving ahead and so it’s like chasing a moving target,” says Jill Isbell Rhodes of Reading Recovery, Long Beach Unified School District.

Many kids never catch up. A study in the journal, Education Research, reports that you can predict with accuracy who will drop out in high school by looking at how well kids perform in kindergarten.

“If you start school with a negative experience, that’s an experience that’s going to last for the rest of their educational career,” says Danny Darby, education specialist.

The research suggests that dropping out is not an impulsive decision, but an outcome set in motion years earlier.

“The idea here is that as these problems go on and on, and as they are overlooked, children’s personality organization -- their character formation -- begins to be settled, begins to be more entrenched. And the longer you wait, the more that’s the way they become, the harder it is to make change, and the costs are much, much higher,” says Dr. Nathaniel Donson, M.D., child psychiatrist

Experts say early intervention is crucial.

“If you identify it and address it now -- at the preschool level -- it does not exist at the middle school or at the high school level. It won’t exist anymore. But you have to intervene early, and you have to address it as early as possible,” says Robert J. Aloia, superintendent, Bergen Country Technical Schools.

Derrick is now in a special reading program. He says he didn’t used to “feel” like a reader

“But now I do,” says Derrick.

Tips for Parents

Five intervention strategies that have been used to prevent school dropouts among a high-risk population (National Center on Secondary Education and Transition):

Persistence, Continuity and Consistency -- used concurrently to show students that there was someone who was not going to give up on them or allow them to be distracted from school;

someone who knew the student and was available to them throughout the school year, the summer, and into the next school year; and providing a common message about the need to stay in school.

Monitoring — the occurrence of risk behaviors (e.g., skipped classes, tardiness, absenteeism, behavioral referrals, suspensions, poor academic performance) was consistently tracked, as were the effects of interventions in response to risk behaviors.

Relationships — a caring relationship between an adult connected to the school and the student was established.

Affiliation — a sense of belonging to school was encouraged through participation in school-related activities.

Problem-Solving Skills — skills students need for solving a variety of problems were taught and supported so students were able to survive in challenging school, home and community environments.

References
National Center on Secondary Education and Transition

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Rebellious Teenagers - Disrespect, Violence and Unruly Behavior

Rebellious Teenagers - Disrespect, Violence and Unruly Behavior

By Connect with Kids

Civil Wars

You see them everywhere you go – rebellious teenagers whose attitudes, language and behaviors are disrespectful and inappropriate. Is it an unavoidable part of growing up or a more serious sign of a truly angry kid?

More than 80 percent of teachers surveyed said students today are, in fact, more disrespectful than ever before – talking back, cheating, bullying, cursing. Is this the most uncivil generation in history? And if so, are they learning it from adults, the media, our fast-paced culture? Where do we draw the line when it comes to rebellious teenagers?

Personal Insights on what drives an angry kid

In Civil Wars, you’ll hear from rebellious teenagers whose bad behavior had them on the verge of getting kicked out of school… and how they turned their lives around. You’ll see entire schools that have eliminated bullying and violence and learn why they believe having well-mannered, civil kids is so important.

This is not a subject kids like to talk about with adults, but once they hear each angry kid in Civil Wars tell their stories, they’ll open up so that the entire family comes away with a whole new perspective.

Order now to get your own insights into the lives of rebellious teenagers. You'll learn how to deal with an angry kid.

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Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger?Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Sue Scheff Parents Universal Resource Experts: Struggling Teens, Troubled Teens, At Risk Teens

Do any of these labels sound familiar?

•Truancy (Excessive Absences)
•Multiple Suspension/Detentions
•Expulsion
•Academic Failure/Grades Dropping - Underachiever
•Social Withdrawal – Isolating themselves
•Poor Decision Making
•Peer Relationship Problems; Fights; Arguments
•Choosing the Wrong Peer Group
•Defiant/Anger/Violent/Rage/Rebellious – Conduct Disorder
•Confrontational Behavior/Acting Out
•Refusal to accept Accountability for their Actions
•Depression/Bipolar/Oppositional Defiance Disorder
•Involvement in Cult Activities – Gang Activity

Does any of the above sound familiar? If so it may be time to start searching for healthy and safe alternative schools or programs. Whether they are local or out of the area, after conferring with a school guidance counselor or therapist, you may determine that a different academic setting may benefit your child. Absences and Suspension Rates (or Incident reports) are useful indicators of student academic or behavioral problems. Most truancy and incident rates increase with grade levels. Another words, this will most likely escalate rather than go away if not addressed. We always recommend parents to seek local adolescent therapy* prior to residential placement.

Incidents rates are on the rise and school expulsion have increased, nearly doubled in the High Schools within the past three years. The zero tolerance rates may be attributed to this rise in numbers, however it is a clear indication that some teens are truly struggling and need outside help. This is has to do with many factors:

• Population Increase, which leads to overcrowding in the schools
• Lack of ACCEPTANCE of our Cultural Diversity
• Family Conflicts – Marital Issues (Divorce, Separation, etc.)
• Stress and Anger Management Problems
• Lack of Communication and the skills to communicate with Today's Teens.
• Ineffective or Inconsistence Parenting/Discipline Strategies
• Substance Abuse (Drugs and/or Alcohol)
• Undiagnosed Learning Disabilities – ADD/ADHD/LD
• Zero Tolerance Level at Schools
• LACK OF AFFORDABLE COMMUNITY RESOURCES & SERVICES




Do you have a struggling teen? At risk teens? Defiant Teen? Teen Depression? Problem Teen? Difficult Teen? Teen Rage? Teen Anger? Teen Drug Use? Teen Gangs? Teen Runaways? Bipolar? ADD/ADHD? Disrespectful Teen? Out of Control Teen? Peer Pressure?

Find about more about Boarding Schools, Military Schools, Christian Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, and Therapeutic Boarding Schools.

Parents' Universal Resources Launches New Websites for Parents with At Risk Teens

With today’s teens, parents can struggle with them and the issues that they are confronted with. As parent advocate, I believe in educating parents with “stuff” teens deal with including peer pressure and more.

Take a moment to review my latest websites to help inform on teenagers today.

Teen SuicideTeen Cults
Preventing Teen Drug Addiction
Teen Mischief
Identity Crisis for Adopted Children

Sue Scheff: More School Help, Less Homework by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

This article is an editorial based upon the author’s experience.

I’ve been reading with great interest the current debate about the usefulness of homework. As with most debates, the issues have become polarized and both sides resort to hyperbole in order to make a point. On the one side are those who argue that homework puts too much stress on families, takes too much time away from other more useful activities, destroys creativity, and isn’t very helpful anyway. On the other are those who argue that homework reinforces lessons presented in school, helps students prepare for class, and provides useful repetition so that concepts won’t be forgotten.

As with most debates, there’s some truth to all of it. Homework can indeed provide preparation, practice, and reinforcement for lessons. Homework can help kids learn important life skills like organization, time management, and how to use resources. It’s also true that homework can be busy work, a reinforcer of mistakes, and stressful. Continual failure with homework, like continual failure during school hours, lowers self-esteem and makes it less and less likely that a kid will be successful. When homework becomes a nightly battle, it can damage parent-child relationships.

The questions concerning how much homework should be required at what age, concerns about quality, and issues around effective parent involvement can be adequately responded to by taking credible research seriously, training teachers to design homework wisely and well, and developing home-school partnerships that give parents the skills they need to be good homework helpers Once we institute sensible homework guidelines, though, we get to a much more difficult and painful issue. Managing homework comes down to whether the kid’s home can provide the atmosphere and support for the work.

Middle- and upper-class families are likely to spend time helping with homework; structuring homework time, providing space, materials, computers, and encyclopedias; insisting on correcting it, and contacting teachers when there are problems. These families are the same families who are able to provide supplementary educational experiences like summer camps, family vacations and travel, and Saturday outings to the museums. These families generally live in areas where schools are good to excellent anyway.

Parents who are struggling to make it financially, parents who are struggling with mental illness or addictions, parents who live in fear of domestic or neighborhood violence, don’t have the emotional space to make homework a priority. Their kids are pretty much on their own. Financial limitations are just that, limitations. Families living in poverty aren’t able to afford a computer or getting connected. Unless they happen on camp scholarships and special programs, their kids aren’t going to be spending vacations and Saturdays anywhere but at home and in front of a TV or on the streets. Often they live in school districts that are under-funded and in which teachers are stretched to their limits.

There are exceptions, of course. Some parents in well-to-do families neglect their kids or try to buy the help and support they themselves should provide. Some parents from impossibly impoverished situations none the less find the personal energy and psychological strength to champion their kids’ schooling. However, exceptions are, after all, exceptions. Generally kids are sent down the path of school achievement or school difficulty from an early age. That path is largely determined by the ability of their parents to provide them with support. Economic status doesn’t have everything to do with it but certainly is a major contributing factor.

Until we as a culture decide to look boldly and honestly at how inequalities in class are connected with academic achievement, until we are willing to match our ideals about equal education for all with our money, there will be lots of kids who will never have the opportunity to reach their potential. We may not be able to solve all the inequities of class but we can provide more support for school success to the kids who need it. By keeping schools open and staffed many more hours each week, we can make sure that every child has the opportunity to get extra help and enrichment from caring adults. The school library and plenty of computers need to be available after school, during the evening, and on Saturdays. Equally important, there needs to be sufficient qualified staff available to provide practical help and to take personal interest in the kids doing well.

It’s unrealistic and unfair to expect overwhelmed parents to continue the work of school at home. My vote is to pay attention to the research, drop homework entirely from elementary schools, and instead focus on providing young children who need it with after school help as well as enrichment experiences. For middle and high school aged kids, institute school-based help time outside of normal school hours as an option for getting homework done and done well. Then all of our students will have a much more equal opportunity for success in school and in life.

What's Related


Other articles by Marie Hartwell-Walker, Ed.D.

Success in School Begins at Home
Let’s Talk about Homework
Symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder
10 Tips to Build Resilience in Teens and Young Adults
Children Who are Home Alone
The Scheduled Child
Teaching a Work Ethic
Symptoms of Attention Deficit Disorder (ADHD)
Helping Your Child with Separation Anxiety Disorder
Structure for the Bipolar Child