Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Raising Teens in a New Culture

Source: Shoulder to Shoulder



Raising teens poses enough challenges in itself - parenting a teen in a new culture adds another level of complexity. Chances are, your teen years were very different than your child's will be living in America. Here's a few things to keep in mind as you guide your teen into young adulthood:

YOUR TEEN MAY TRY TO FIT THE "AMERICAN" NORM.
We may not like it, but this is normal. Sometimes it means they will dress in strange ways or "reject" their culture. Peer pressure is a big deal to kids at this age, and they're just trying to fit in with the rest of their friends and schoolmates at this time.

PASS ON YOUR CULTURE AND LANGUAGE.
Your teen should know your family's traditions, beliefs, religion and language, as well as the story of your journey to America. Right now, teens may not be interested or even "rebuff" their culture. As they grow up, they will learn to appreciate their language, food and customs - and take pride in these traditions.

LISTEN TO YOUR TEEN.
It's hard to grow up in two cultures. Teens need support to help understand their roots, while you may need their help to understand what it's like to grow up in America. Talking and listening to each other will help you both succeed.

KNOW THE CULTURAL DIFFERENCES.
There are many "standards" that may be different from your culture. For example, friendships outside the family may be more common than they were in your childhood. Or, you may be concerned that your children aren't obedient or respectful. Your teens are growing up in two cultures. To help your teen succeed in America, decide what expectations you need to keep and what you can change.

TALK WITH OTHER PARENTS. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
As private as parenting is, we all need ideas - especially when we are raising our teens in a new culture. Get together with other parents to share advice and stories, and explore this site for more culturally-specific parenting resources.

Parents Universal Resource Expert Founder, Sue Scheff authors "Wit's End!"

Help for Parents of Out-of-control Teens
Resources to help families in this critical time

(SOUTH FLORIDA)—In 2000, a teenager at a residential treatment center was locked-up in an isolation box for 17 hours with no windows, heat or air conditioning because she had tried to help a girl who was having a seizure. Later, that same teenager got food poisoning and was rushed to the ER (unbeknownst to her mother) because sewage had contaminated the food she was eating and sunk into the carpet of the living areas.

These are just some of the experiences that Sue Scheff’s daughter, Ashlyn, experienced while enrolled in a residential treatment program, supposed to be helping her cope with emotional and behavioral problems while building up her self-esteem. Furious about how Ashlyn had been treated, Scheff posted her experiences online about the program and was promptly sued for libel. Scheff won by a long shot.

Now parents can read Scheff’s story and learn from her mistakes in Wit’s End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your OUT-OF-CONTROL TEEN (HCI Books, July 2008). The book is the result of her years of effort to educate parents and provide them with the proper resources to care for their own difficult teen.

“I was desperate to find good help for my daughter, but this program ended up making things worse,” says Scheff. “My book provides positive, prescriptive help for families who want to put their children on the road to a safe, healthy adulthood. It is imperative parents do their homework and Wit’s End can offer a convenient outline to get them started.”

Parents doing their homework becomes even more important in light of a 2007 study released by the U.S. Government Accountability Office which uncovered thousands of allegations of abuse, some of which involved death, at residential treatment programs across the country and in American-owned and American-operated facilities abroad between the years 1990 and 2007.

For parents who need one-on-one guidance, Scheff founded Parents’ Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.), an advocacy group that not only researches residential treatment centers and other teen help programs around the world, but helps educate parents to choose which facilities are best suited to match their child’s needs.

Sue Scheff is a parent advocate and the founder of Parent’s Universal Resource Experts, Inc. She has been featured in numerous publications and broadcasts, including: 20/20, The Rachel Ray Show, ABC News, CBC News: Sunday Morning, CNN Headline News, Fox News, BBC Talk Radio, National Public Radio and The New York Times.

For more information, please visit http://www.suescheff.com/ or http://www.helpyourteens.com/

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) When Your Teen is Caught Shoplifting

By Education.com Patricia Smith

You answer the phone and cringe. Your 14 year-old son walked out of Martin’s Market with a six-pack of Pepsi under his jacket without paying, so says Officer Jones on the other end of the line. Driving to the market to retrieve your son and face Mr. Martin, you wonder, is shoplifting just kid stuff? Or is my son diving headlong into a life of crime?

Take a deep breath. Most likely, this first shoplifting incident doesn’t signal trouble ahead. Even though your son had plenty of change in his pocket and Pepsi in the fridge, doesn’t mean he’s leaving your family to join the Sopranos.

Shoplifting is sometimes viewed as an adolescent rite of passage, albeit an illegal one. The National Crime Prevention Council (NCPC) reports that 24% of apprehended shoplifters are teens, aged 13-17 years old. Teens steal on an impulse or for a thrill. Peer pressure is often cited as the reason. While you might feel motivated to send your son to the doghouse, even McGruff the Crime Dog, icon of the NCPC, recommends that you don’t overreact to the first offense. That said, do take the following steps to convey your concern to your child:

Decide on the consequences beforehand. One in four shoplifters caught is a teen. Think about how you’d handle things if your child was caught shoplifting. Be sure to share your thoughts with your spouse. It’s important to present a united front if an incident does occur.

Remain calm at the scene of the crime. Confronting your child will only add to the humiliation and embarrassment he is probably feeling. Get all the facts. Listen to the authorities and agree to take an active role in the solution.

Allow a cooling off period. Best not to unload on your son the minute you reach your driveway.

Take time, at least a day, to let everyone cool off before discussing the incident. Present corrective action in a timely manner. Lay out the consequences to your son as soon as possible.

If too much time passes, the consequences won’t connect to the action. Be firm, but caring.

Follow through. Important life lessons will be lost if you don’t follow through on your disciplinary actions. Keep your word.

Shoplifting is a serious offense, but most teens are experimenting when they try it—never believing they’ll get caught. When they are, they feel remorse and seldom repeat the offense. So take those sticky fingers seriously, but know that you probably don’t have a future mobster on your hands—just a child who needs help learning from his mistakes.

www.education.com

www.helpyourteens.com

www.witsendbook.com

Sue Scheff: What will Your Kids Be Doing this Summer?

By Connect with Kids

“Most people, I guess, don’t really spend their summers doing academic things.”

– Margaret Coy, a student

Many teens spend their summer vacation days playing – and working – without ever opening a book.

But not Zach Wilson and Margaret Coy: They take college preparatory classes during their school break.

“Most people, I guess, don’t really spend their summers doing academic things. Some people look at me like I’m kind of crazy for it, but I’ve enjoyed it,” Margaret says.

“I want to keep going [to school] in the summer so I can get done a lot faster and go to law school,” Zach adds.

Zach’s and Margaret’s academic habits are more in line with students around the world. According to the National Center for Education Statistics, students in Taiwan spend 10 additional weeks in school compared to U.S. students. Students in Canada, Spain and Scotland attend classes two weeks longer than their American counterparts. And experts say that in matters of education, quantity matters.

“It’s particularly true in the mathematics and science areas that the United States does not tend to do as well as students from other nations when you compare their abilities,” says Dianne Weber, admissions director at Georgia State University.

One problem, Weber says, is that all summer long teens don’t exercise their brains. One way to counteract this effect is to take a class.

“So I think the idea is, keep your child’s mind active during the summer … not just going to the swimming pool, not just watching television, but really being involved in some cultural experiences or reading experiences,” Weber says.

Still, experts say that kids shouldn’t spend all of their free time hitting the books because they run the risk of experiencing too much stress.

“The student could get burned out earlier than they need to be,” Weber says.

Margaret knows how to keep her life balanced with study and play. She is a member of the dance team, Spanish club and cross-country team, but she also leaves time for “just the regular things – hanging out with my friends and maintaining a social life,” she says.

Tips for Parents
Teens Seek Learning Enhancement

While many students nationwide are enjoying the school-free days of summer, some are choosing to spend the next few months trying to get an early jump on the next academic year.

More and more students are trading sleep away camps this summer for precollege courses. Programs offered by universities such as Penn State and UCLA give 15 and 16-year-olds the opportunity to enhance their academic career by spending a month on a college campus, which includes college courses and SAT prep classes.

These students are seeking new ways to enhance their learning, which they say lags behind other countries. In fact, the U.S. Department of Education says that American students only spend an average of 178 days in school vs. countries like China (251), Israel (215) and Italy (204).

And data from the Third International Mathematics and Science Study (TIMSS) reveals evidence that the quality of U.S. instruction in mathematics may lag behind that of other countries.

A program initiated in Massachusetts in 2006 to extend the school day has proven that more time in school improves grades. Students in the program have had greater gains in state reading and math tests than peers in schools with traditional schedules.

How can parents help enhance their children’s learning, especially during the summer break? The National Parent Teacher Association (PTA) offers these suggestions:

For Children:

Enrich your child’s experiences by lending personal meaning to school learning. For example, if your child is studying a local Native American group, take him or her to a museum or mission. If he or she is studying marine life, visit the beach to explore the tide pools, or take a trip to an aquarium.

Recognize that everyday experience enhances school learning, too. You may not realize it, but those trips to the park, to a city and to a relative’s house, and the pet turtle or fish your child has in his or her room, all help your child relate to what he or she reads and learns.

Read to or with your child every day.

Show that you enjoy reading. Let your child see you reading books, magazines, newspapers, school notices and other written materials.

Use your public library and discover its resources with your child.

Use your television as a teaching tool. Watch insightful programs with your child, and talk about what you are viewing.

Share some of your new knowledge with your child. Let him or her see how learning continues throughout a lifetime.

Enroll your child in a day camp. Most camps offer a wide variety of activities that will stimulate your child’s mind and teach him or her new skills that he or she can apply to tasks during the school year.

For Teens:

Share personal stories with your teen. The possibilities are endless. You can share stories about your childhood or even tell your teen about his or her birth. The stories you share can give your teen a sense of connectedness with the past.

Provide your teen with the opportunity to try distance learning. Several online programs focusing on a variety of educational topics exist.

Involve your teen in independent reading and study. Independent reading and study will help your teen to prepare academically for college. This is a good way to develop interests, expand knowledge and improve the vocabulary and reading comprehension skills needed for college and the SAT or ACT.

Encourage extracurricular activities. Many school, community and religious organizations enable high school students to explore their interests and talents by providing activities outside the classroom. Colleges are often interested in a student’s extracurricular activities, such as school clubs, the student newspaper, athletics, musical activities and arts and drama, especially if a student has excelled in one or more of these areas.

Challenge your teen to obtain a job or volunteer for community service. Work experience – paid or volunteer – can teach teens discipline, responsibility, reliability, teamwork and other skills. A summer job may be a good way to gain experience and earn money for college as well. Activities, such as tutoring children in the community or volunteering at the local hospital, make valuable contributions to society and also help students to identify their career interests and goals, gain workplace skills and apply classroom learning to real-world problem solving.

While summer vacation provides an excellent time for your child to enhance his or her learning, make sure that your child – a teen in particular – is not embarking on the road to school burnout. If you do notice that stress is affecting your child’s health, behavior, thoughts or feelings, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry suggests these methods for decreasing your child’s stress levels:

Make sure your child exercises and eats regularly.

Teach your child relaxation exercises, such as abdominal breathing and muscle relaxation techniques.

Help your child develop practical coping skills. For example, teach him or her to break a large task into smaller, more attainable tasks.

Make sure your child takes a break from studying. Activities like listening to music, talking to a friend, drawing, writing or spending time with a pet can reduce stress.

Encourage your child to build a network of friends who challenge and support him or her in a positive way.

References
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
National Center for Education Statistics
National Parent Teacher Association
U.S. Department of Education

Sue Scheff; Parental Power by Dr. Paul Jenkins

In this 2 CD set, Dr. Jenkins teaches what every parent should know about maturity and control. Parents will also learn three rules for a happy home, four rules just for parents, and four steps for teaching children responsibility. This is the second edition of this popular seminar, with the same powerful content in a studio quality recording.

Visit http://www.drpaul.org/products.html for more information.

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Getting Your Teen to Talk

By ParentingMyTeen.com

Visit - http://www.parentingmyteen.com/


Depending upon your relationship, getting your teen to talk to you could be an agonizing or enjoyable exchange. If your teen is not communicative or willing to discuss issues, then it is up to you to find ways to get your teen to open up. How? Here are some suggestions.Oftentimes, teens are afraid to discuss a problem head on. Therefore, living in a home that is filled with love and understanding is crucial. While one teen may find it easier to talk to Mom and another feels more comfortable talking with Dad, the conditions in the home are critical to the teen being able to talk about anything at anytime. This process begins at birth. Having conversations with each other is one way to instill a sense of openness in the home. Moms and dads who constantly talk to each other and their children, whether at the dinner table or during bedtime, allow the child to feel good about discussing any topic with one or both parents. Consequently, your child will grow up in an atmosphere where freedom of expression is not only expected but encouraged.

Teenagers come with their own set of problems and issues. It’s the natural course of events for teens. This does not mean, however, they must sit in their rooms contemplating situations which they are neither ready for, nor can handle. Keeping the lines of communication open may be difficult at times, especially if all you get out of your teenager is a grunt of acknowledgement. Don’t give up, no matter how difficult the situation becomes. Whether your teen will admit it or not, having you there allows them to feel safe and secure, even though they don’t show it.

You can be assured, however, when the time is right and when the teen feels there are no other options available, he or she will open up. This is the point at which you should listen carefully to what is being offered. While your teen may not be asking your advice, the ability to be able to say what is on his or her mind may be enough to get out of the funk he or she is in.

However, if you feel your teen has become so distant that nothing seems to work, it may be time to seek help. In the meantime, without being invasive, keep an eye on your teen, ensure he or she is eating and sleeping, and communicating with friends. Every teen is different in how they approach life’s ups and downs. Think back to when you were a teen. Were you as open with your parents as you’d like your teen to be? If not, perhaps the inability to talk openly amongst family members began then.

As parents, we have a lot to deal with in our own lives. Sometimes even we shut down due to the pressure. Getting your teen to talk to you may be just as hard as getting your spouse to talk to you. It is in talking that we let out our innermost thoughts and feelings. Perhaps by learning how to talk to each other, you will instill confidence in your teen to follow your lead.


www.helpyourteens.com
www.witsendbook.com

Parents Universal Resource Experts (Sue Scheff) Summer Reading for Teens and Parents

Summer is almost here and what a better time to catch up on relaxation and reading!

Go to your local library with your kids or a bookstore and find some educational and fun books to read. Health Communications Inc. http://www.hcibooks.com/ offers a wide variety of wonderful books for both parents and kids today.

Also review http://www.helpyourteens.com/books.html for great reading!